Relationships

1. Some relationships are good and others are strained at least. Why is this?
 At any moment our relationships with others will be governed by how we feel about ourselves. That governs our way of looking upon another person, and how we will treat them. Interestingly, the problems we have with others are not caused by them, but how we see them and react to them. Our peace of mind comes from "us" not from "them".

Remember now, we have two minds- the human mind and the divine mind. Whichever mind is activated at any given moment dictates our behavior.

If we remember to ask God "let me see (the person) as you and treat (the person) as you would" our reactions are entirely different then those stemming from the human mind.

If we are in the state of mind, governed by our human mind, we are in a chronic state of tension, sometimes subliminal, and at other times very pressuring. Our human self, most frequently unknowingly, walks about feeling something is "wrong" with or about us. We're expecting something to happen negatively. Our reaction to somebody calling us or approaching us is "Uh-oh, what's this about?" There is this underlying fear, as though we're guilty of something, be it known or unknown.

It is this human state that sours to some extent all our human relationships. We're simply never at complete peace with this negative feeling about ourselves. To the extent that another person pushes that tension button- be it an opinion different from others, a correction of us, a criticism, displeasure, a sign of irritation- get ready, because our own insecurity will accordingly arise.

We simply are needy in the human mindset for another person to look upon us favorably in order for our tension to stay at a low point. We're dependent on the others' viewpoint of us. That's the way it is in the human mindset. It always stays that way, no matter how well or long we've known the other person. If that button is pushed we blow. Either we're crushed and depressed about ourselves or furious and enraged at our relationship being "betrayed" by the other. We can't correct this problem by reasoning, reflection, regret, etc, for the human mind never changes. It's just getting ready for its next re-surfacing. It applies on the personal scene, or human groupings, either allied with each other or against each other. One moment we see allies, and the next unstable moment brings the sight of them as enemies.

Fortunately there is a solution. Our divine mind, still hooked into our Creator, but in disuse while the human mind is activated, can be made available, but only under certain conditions. First, we've become aware of our chronic state of uneasiness. Second, it's happened so often with the same negative results - depression and anxiety with ourselves or attack on others -that we know we have no resolutions. That's a precious moment for potential change to occur, for resolution to surface.

We're going to need to go to God for such available help. Most usually there's supportive people present to us that encourage such a new outlook. We need them because our human mind is still aggravating us and will never encourage us to seek out God.

But when we do, we enter into a God- directed process by which little bit by little bit, we become aware we're caught up in the human mind state. God has taught us to sidestep it by appealing for His mind in place of ours, - "God, I want You now, not me" or "let me see (me or the other as you do)."

What happens then? We do see and act as God would. A mind of peace comes over us based on the fact that God is not down on us. God's one judgment about our negativity is "we don't know what we're doing." We might think we do, but we never do. God's understanding of us, the ultimate state of forgiveness of all problems as a reflection of lostness helps us see ourselves and others as He does. We feel His love and joy about whom we really are, and that dictates our relationship with others who are in the same fix as we are, lost souls. What we learn about ourselves is now available to be directed in our opinions and interactions with others.

2. Why are some people in your life for a time while others
for a lifetime?
 As long as our relationship with another provides an opportunity to get a healing exchange between us, we stick around for that mutual exchange. We're spotting when we're off base, and learning to increasingly reach for God. But if that mutuality ends, and no further help or progress is available to one or the other, the relationship may very well end.

3. How do I nurture and grow a connection with someone?
 For people to do this by themselves- as Jesus would say- "impossible." You must already be in the divine mind's awareness, and acting from it, led by the Holy Spirit, for nurturance and connection to occur. God is responsible for that process of growth to take place, not ourselves. You would be learning to hand over to God moments of conflict and dissension, asking to see and act as God would, to receive that nurturance and connection. To my awareness, nothing else works. I've seen it over and over again in my own life's relationships.

4. How can I bless them in life?
 God blesses them through you when you choose to live out a relationship from God's vantage point, rather then from your judgment on handling matters. You then become a contributor towards their healing- the recovery of one's holy and eternal beloved identity- as they do for you. We are dependent on God to enable the recovery of ourselves to bless others. You have only one job to do and you've done it already. Simply to wish to be able to bless is your decision. Automatically that stirs God's work in you and through you. The blessing of relationship involves helping each other to uncover the human barrier to the resurrection life, the kingdom.

The relationship will surface the human characteristics we still cherish, but in actuality are self defeating- we act them out with each other, see their defeating ways and turn those moments of circumstance or relationships to God in order to see their lack of value and receive God's "replacement" value.

5. How do I know if someone is good for me?
 Tough question. I'll answer it strictly from what I see about myself. If someone didn't irritate me, ask of me of what I didn't want to do, cow-towed to my needs, let me be, I would experience them as good for me; the need for self-inflation based on others treatment of me. If they didn't, I experienced them negatively. Yet those latter people were the ones I really needed in order to grow and face my own negativity, to get it over to God.

But even those with whom I was unwisely comfortable can be a blessing. They'll get tired (hopefully) of my efforts to try to make them live for my needs (its called slavery), close down the "honeymoon" and provide me with the opportunity to seek change with God's help. The simple giving away to the other without expecting of something in return, the learning of such an attitude is "good" for us. This too requires God's intervention and guidance.

6. What do I look for in someone that I chose the rest of my life with?
A husband or wife?
You're blessed if God has gotten you to the point to ask His guidance in such matters. Overwhelmingly, without that we choose a mate based on neediness- the hope that they'll make me happy; they'll make me feel loved; they'll overcome the sense of loneliness. We start with the belief in this "romantic" notion of others completing us.

But the ultimate goal is to help each other recover awareness of the divine completeness which is our true essence, to understand why Jesus said "You're in this world but not of it" and return to the kingdom where our relationships bless us more richly a thousand fold.

7. I have relationships that are so hurtful. Do I walk away or should I be doing something else.
 If you do anything without asking God to guide you in what should be done, your own answer will be short of His greater understanding of what and with whom your personal ministry in this world is directed to.

God knows if the hurtful aspects can also lead to helpfulness and healing by giving that to Him. God also knows if you have done all that is meant to be done with each other, no further progress can be made of this point, and you move on with others. If you're meant to stay to accomplish God's intervention, God will also deliver the strength and resources to fulfill that will. Finally, in no way will God extend you to do things that are destructive to your person and ministry for Him.

8. Why do we hurt and hate one another?
 If you don't like yourself, then automatically you would believe that the other feels about you as you feel about yourself. By the way, you'll also apply that reason to the way you think God feels about you.

The human mind has no understanding of how it functions (we call this "projection" of our thoughts onto others) and simply believes the scenario it has cooked up.

We now hate the other person because they don't serve the purpose of making us feel good. They become "dangerous" to our sense of well-being.

9. How should we treat one another?
 There are no "shoulds" in these matters. Either we can or we can't. If we can, we do and if we can't, we don't.

Ideally, we would know if we are all gods, complete from out Father's creation of us, experiencing within the pure love that we then extend to each other and of the joy of just giving this away without any expectation or need for it being returned, since we're already complete.

The reality is that we treat each other positively on the basis of the divine insight we have, and negatively due to the lack of such information. We will always act from the negative human instinct of survival and fear of personal annihilation, be it physical or psychological, in the absence of the divine insight.

Thank heavens though God destines us to recover that full personal being He created us as, see it in others, and thereby return to the Kingdom's oneness with each other.